A letter to 31...

Hello 31. We are only hours in and you suck already. I write this on the aftermath of what I would consider THE worst birthday one could have. Before we get into the nitty gritty of things let me just say I'm going to give you your couple hours then we are gonna turn this thing around real quick, ya hear me?!

I'm a "birthday girl"... yea, one of those! One that has a countdown and could celebrate all month if you let her. However, these days the kids get to open my presents (and then get pissed when it's not a new toy for them, but instead new socks for momma! Aren't new socks THE BEST! Black ankle ones! Can't ever have enough!) Or them blowing out MY candle before I can make a wish. Or eating all the fresh strawberries off my cake leaving me crumbs. As I've said before (when I was 30) one of my FAVORITE things to do on my day is scroll thru all the birthday well wishes from friends and family. That people take the time, (even tho FB does an excellent job of reminding you) out of their day to shoot me smiley face or message that they've been thinking of me and hope my day is magical.

 The irony of this whole story is that I'm sure you've all seen THE MOST MAGICAL day that we, my family, had over the weekend. The kids FIRST ASTROS game. Now that, that was legit magical. What almost 2 yr old little boy goes to his first Astros game and gets thrown a ball from one of the up and coming pitchers in the league? Or seats so close to the dugout you can wave to the players? Or hear the crack of the bat when a foul ball is headed your way... MAGICAL.

Magical wouldn't quite be the word I would use for Tuesday, May 30th 2017. Get to work and my girls did it up! Waiting for me at my desk is a couple bottles of Rose' champagne, my favorite hairspray, a GC To Whataburger and some bubble bath. Funny to write it out but that's me in a nutshell, champagne with a burger and fries in the bath tub! Easy to please huh?!! I'm basically the "momma bear" of the group, being there the longest and the only one with kids, Let's just say they know me pretty well and did spoil me on my day!

Fast forward to a busy work day and my phone blowing up with the sweetest messages and texts. However, I did get one that shook me and will set the stage for the rest of my life...

Girl whom I don't know:  Ashley

Me: Yes

Girl whom I don't know: Your husband is a cheater!

Me: ummmmm... what do you mean? What's going on?

Girl whom I don't know proceeds to spill all the details and send me multiple screen shots of conversations they've had and so on and so forth.

(Mic drop) yeaaaaaa... not so magical huh?! Happy freakin birthday Ash. Keep in mind I still have to go about my day. I'm sweating, my hands are clammy, my heart is now in my feet and I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry or do that cry laugh thing psyko people do in the movies. Like is this happening? Is this real life?

It is.
Real life.

And to be honest I though long and hard about writing this all out and sharing it to the world. But it's my first step to a better tomorrow. Not really sure why this happened? Not sure I'll ever know. Sad thing is, as surprised as I was. I'm not surprised. The most heartbreaking thing is that mistakes can be forgiven but the feeling your left with never truly goes away. The why me? Why wasn't I enough? I was beyond faithful my whole marriage and gave it my all. Some days more than others, but none the less I gave it.

Marriage is by far THE hardest thing I've ever endured. Harder than pushing out two perfect kids. Harder than getting up for work when you've been cleaning up throw up from your sick kids all night. Harder than sitting in traffic on I45 for 7 years so that you can go to work and provide for your family. Harder than getting a message from some rando girl telling your your husband has been unfaithful. Ok, well maybe that one compares, but you get the point.

So what now?

Well I'm currently wide awake and have been since 3am. I can hear the lullabies from Beckham's room playing over and over. Harper is sleeping sideways in my bed (I needed her cuddles) with her feet in my throat. She's somehow managed to turn her body to a full 180 from when I first laid her down and the dog is at the foot of my bed laying on top of the covers so my feet are trapped. Honestly, I just want to press my "easy button" and not have to deal with any of the above. I just want to pop my champagne and take a week long bubble bath? Is that too much to ask?

Thing is, I have to get up in 2 hours. Get ready, get the kids ready. Take them to my amazing mother in laws house. Hug her and tell her how much I appreciate her. Drive to work in traffic. Be a superstar at work and come home to do it all over again. And again. And again.

The pain is starting to set in. I'm not a fan of pain. Even tho I've dealt with my fair share of pain and heartache over the last couple years it never gets easier. Thankfully, I just finished this amazing book and the one thing that really stuck out to me was this,

"The journey of a love warrior is to rush toward her pain and allow her pain to become her power. "

Powerful stuff huh?! I can do this. I was made to do hard things. I will survive. I will thrive. Life will be ok.

I will be ok.

31. I won't let you win. You won't get the best of me. I may be a hott mess at this moment,  but the sun rises and so will this momma!

You. Are. Enough

It's 11pm, the hubbs is outta town, kids are asleep, and I finally get to soak in a bubble bath and read/watch all the links I've saved during the week that interest me. This one couldn't have come at a better time... It's just a reminder, that I feel we ALL need every once and a while. 

Don't be too hard on yourself momma! It's just a season. 

You. Are. Enough.
https://www.facebook.com/authorjonacuff/videos/10150614758064950/
Enjoy and pass it on!
XOXOXO

Bachlorette Break Down

     OK, sooooo I have been wanting to do this for a while because I feel like I have such strong opinions on this season and I want to hear yours...

     First off, how GORG is JoJo?! I just love her! She seems so down to earth and has the cutest little body and style! I love how all the girls from the previous Bachelor (Ben's Season) are all friends now! I think that's so cool! How do I know this? I legit stalk them all on Insta, duh!

     Back to this breakdown: I'm a week or two late so we will just start from this last episode that aired on Memorial Day.

 

ALEX (Marine Vet)

 Prob my favorite so far... ok yes, he's short, but to be fair that chair he jumped on was like way oversized! He seems real and has THE cutest smile! I definitely like how respectful and protective he is, but at the same time, is the fact that Chad is just getting to him sooooo much a turnoff? I have a feeling he will go far!

ALI (Bartender)

Ohhh Ali.... Sweet guy just not my style. Has cute dimples, but has been kinda quiet. Don't think he will be around much longer.

CHAD (Luxury Real Estate)

I mean, c'mon with this dude.... GROSS right! He is such a turnoff and whyyyy all the meat!? Seriously! Surely JoJo has already "red flagged" this meathead. He reminds me of Olivia from last season! There is a reason none of the other guys like him. He's a self centered, arrogant douche. What a waste of muscles... oh, and no telling the drama he will bring in the next couple of episodes! He is a ticking time bomb FOR SURE!

CHASE (Medical Sales Rep)

Ok.. I'm confused... Was he the SANTA? Regardless, I like him. I sometimes get him and Jordan confused. He is a sweetheart and seems like a laid back, go with the flow kinda guy!

CHRISTIAN (Telecom Consultant)

Ehhh.. Nice guy. Needing a little more from him.

Derek (Commercial Banker)

Seems sweet. Felt like he was a little awk on the one on one. I just cant stop looking at his teeth. They are either too big for his face or just SO white! I can't help but think he looks JUST LIKE John Krasinski from "The Office"... Right?!?!

DANIEL (Male Model)

I  was OVER him after the first episode. Not real sure why he's still here and I think it's super weird that he is trying to be "buddy buddy" with Chad! Like, what could they possibly have in common!? To be honest, he kinda creeps me out.

EVAN (Erectile Dysfunction Expert)

No, but really.... Why is he still here?

GRANT (Firefighter)

Hello muscles and chiseled jaw line! Would have been weird if he DIDN'T win the mission! JoJo seems to feel comfortable around him. He seems like he gives good hugs! Needing a little more from him but I'll give him a thumbs up!

JAMES (Boxing Club Owner)

Ehhh... Not feelin' him AT all.

JAMES (Singer-Songwriter)

James, James, James.. Leave it up to our hometown boy to have the most respect for JoJo. James seems like someone you can def take home to momma! Who doesn't love him. Seems like the real deal and he actually CAN sing! That note he wrote to her was THE sweetest! I'm lovin' me some James!

Jordan (Former Pro QB)

I mean... He's easy on the eyes, that's for sure. I like him. I know JoJo does.. it's quite obvious! I may or may not have looked up his ex GF and tried to investigate the things she was saying about him being a cheater and always wanting to be famous! I get it. I think we will just have to let him prove himself to us! ... that smile tho... (insert heart eyes)

LUKE (War Vet)

I dunno about him yall.... I don't know if his skinny pants are too tight, the side smile, leather jacket.. or what it is. He seems nice, but I feel like he is being overshadowed by Jordan and Chase! Needing more from him as well.

NICK (Electrical Engineer)

Nope.

ROBBY (Competitive Swimmer)

Kinda quiet, right?! Gimme more Robby!

 

VINNY (Barber)

Nope. Not feelin him.

WELLS (Radio DJ)

Cheeseball... but Bless His Heart.

I'm ready for more! I feel like JoJo is my friend since I've been watching her from the start and I'm anxious to see how she deals with this upcoming drama and who shows their true colors! Don't forget this coming week we get EXTRA Bachy time with a 2 day Special.. So Monday AND Tuesday Night will be full of roses!

Tell me your thoughts and be ready for next weeks breakdown.. Also coming soon... my "Mission Hott Mom Bod" is about to be in full effect so let me know what healthy supplements or healthy diets work for you guys!  

THIRTY...

     On this 30th day of May.... I close the chapter of my 20's and am excited to see what THIRTY is all about! (I hear it's the NEW 20, so....) Yall, my life is amazing! A hardworking husband, 2 absolutely adorable, healthy kids, an awesome family, gorgeous friends a roof over my head and a beating heart. What more could a girl ask for?!

     I know it's been a while since I've been on here to update things and like I've said before THIS is my therapy so bear with me as I unload these thoughts!

     Back to this whole THIRTY thing...
I would like to remind myself of how fulfilling my 20's were:

- Cheered for the NFL Houston Texans the San Francisco 49ers

- Married TYLER HOLMES! (Insert Heart Eyes)

- Bought and remodeled a house in FRIENDSWOOD (still an ongoing project)

- Had 2 babies with him! (back to back)

- Celebrated 6 years working for Dr. Ciaravino (www.thebodydoc.com)

- Experienced the loss of my Peepaw Reyes

- Learned how to do taxes (sorta)

- Found my way into the family business (REFLEX Gymnastics)

- Learned to juggle life, the ups and downs and all arounds!

 Couple things I would like to experience in my 30's:

- 2 potty trained kids who know JESUS! (Amen, to that, huh!)

- Meeting Joanna Gains (Fixer Upper)

- Bieber Concert (Don't Judge MEEEEE!)

- A comfy savings account

- Continuing to enrich women's lives thru my job

- Watching my husband coach our daughter Gymnastics

- Not having a mortgage

- A vacation.. or two.. or five!

- Continuing my love for photography and shooting more families

- And taking it all one day at a time.....

     As I round this corner to the next road ahead I want to THANK YOU all for making such an impact on my life. I secretly get SO excited on my birthday cause I know my FB is gonna blow up with posts and it truly fills my heart that so many people care to take the time, even if it's just seconds, out of their day to make sure I know they are thinking about me. As a new mom, you don't even think twice about yourself anymore. It's all about the kids and will be for the next 18 years or so. So Thank You all for the messages, texts and calls today as it is SO VERY APPRECIATED!

      Thank you for having an interest in my life and being my motivation to keep this blog going! I have tons of new stuff coming soon so follow along and let's enjoy this ride together! 

Fast Forward...

So again, let's face the fact that I am clearly a horrible blogger that keeps you hanging on for months on end with no updates! I PROMISE to keep this story going as best I can with the new life we have coming our way. I know I will be 2x busier, but for the sake of memories and my own sanity to get things out of my head and off my heart, this blog is like therapy for me! So here we go! AGAIN...

Woke up this morning, with a call into the hospital at 5am to check in for my delivery. Sundays are considered a turn around day (I assume like at a hotel) and they are all booked up until later today. I have been fasting since 9pm and I can't go much longer without food in my system so to be nice to my husband (I get HANGRY real quick) we have decided tomorrow will be a better day for us all!

This being said, I feel like I've been given one last chance to make the best of the day! So for the next 24 hours I will take it all in and enjoy this last day of being a tribe of 3!

Hubby and Harp are still upstairs snoozing and I'm enjoying the stillness of my living room, got my CMT video countdown on in the background (which is rare since Ty isn't a country music fan), a load of towels in the laundry smelling the house up oh so good and making my list of things to delegate to do while Im in the hospital. 

This whole process has been a whirlwind. Just when we thought we had life figured out and on somewhat of a schedule.. those two pink lines showed up again! Weird how that happens. (We celebrated our first wedding anniversary which is on Valentines Day and nine months later here we are) Do the math. 

I again have been super lucky to have had another amazing pregnancy. I didn't have any morning sickness or anything to really slow me down. If you know me, you know I am always 90 to nothing all day, errr' day! I don't really have a choice with lil miss Harper Rose running our lives! In fact there were times I would forget I was pregnant and wonder why I was SO exhausted at the end of the day! These last couple weeks have slowed me down a little with the horrible, awful, no good sciatic nerve flaring up. (That thing is NO JOKE and will make you STOP in your tracks to sit down and just breathe it out) Also, just the whole hip expansion, changing bra sizes every month, the pee sneezes and emotions. (My poor husband, he will never understand that sometimes I just need a good cry, stop asking WHY cause I don't know!) 

This lil boy, Beckham Bradley Holmes will be the perfect addition to our crazy life. Ty is so so so so so so so so so excited to have his boy to play baseball with and take fishing! He keeps saying "I can't believe we are gonna have a mini "ME"! "   

Prayers for a safe and easy (as can be) induction tomorrow are appreciated! I won't lie, I'm extremely excited, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared out of my mind to start this next chapter. I try to be a planner and that has been something I have struggled with. Kids don't allow for much "planning". They dictate what, when and how you are going to do things. So I've learned to take things day by day, communicate with my husband better and just enjoy the ride! Here we go! AGAIN.

Rewind...

So if you follow along, let me first just apologize for not updating this bad boy since ummmm, my first pregnancy... LAST YEAR! I even had to have the site resend me my password, cause I forgot it! Proof that mommy life keeps you busy! Figured before I catch you all up on life lately, I'll show off some of my favorite pics from the last couple months! 

To say she has us wrapped around her fingers (all 10 of them) is an understatement! 

Our fearless Harper Rose.

She will never know how much I truly LOVE her! 

My partner in crime, My teammate, My best friend, My Rock, My Husband.  

She is SO EXCITED to be a Big Sister and is OBSESSED with my growing belly! She loves to pull my shirt up (in public) and give brother LOVE!

Life with this little girl is so awesome! She has taught me so much in the past year and pushed me to become a stronger more confident person! I know it's so cliche' but kids change your life in the most amazing ways! Makes you look at things in a total different viewpoint and realize whats REALLY Important!

MOM LIFE

Lemme tell ya about the mom life thus far....

     First off.. I'm gonna give myself some credit and say that I'm pretty good at this. I guess being the oldest of three girls, I've always had this motherly instinct. Harper is not only my "mini me" with her head full of hair, but she is super alert and active. I love her little button nose and open mouth slobber kisses. SO MUCH.. Like I could eat her! (weird, I know.. but I seriously love her that much)

     Post delivery I felt great. I was back on my feet quicker than I thought I'd be. Of course the jumbo pads and leaky breasts are just a tad annoying, but all part of it. During delivery I tore a little bit and needed 3 small stitches which was fine, but no one warned me about the "pregnancy down there after care". 

     To any new/soon to be moms I recommend you prepare your bathroom with these items: Super absorbency pads (WITH wings), Dermoplast (pain relieving spray) for the burning sensation down there after you pee (that was THE worst). If you are breast feeding, Lanolin cream for chapped nipples, the gel pads from target ( I swear by these!! Heat for 30 sec and put over breasts 5 min before feeding/pumping), nursing pads for leaky nipples, and an easy access nursing bra. Last but not least, lavender oil to relax and soothe you at night before bed.

     My breast feeding experience wasn't what I hoped it would be. I went into this thinking "Ok, I can do this, it cant be that hard"! I feel like the moms of the world today feel SUPER pressured into breast feeding and obviously doing what best for the baby. Harper didn't have a good latch onto my nipple and it was horrible! You guys, I'm not kidding. AWFUL. She felt like a piranha and had such a hard suck. I was ok in the hospital the first two days after she was born, but when I got home it was a whole different story.

 My milk came in and my breast were GI-NORM... I would cry crocodile tears every time it was time to feed. I had to tell myself to push thru the pain and remember that this was the best thing I could do for my baby girl. She fed every 3 hours or so, I would switch from left to right breast and I even had this super great app on my phone that would alert you when it was time to feed. After the first whole week of breast feeding I was still unhappy with the process and I started feeling down on myself.. I pulled myself outta this slump and realized it wasn't worth postpartum feelings because of the pain and frustration. So I sent my mother in law to the store for formula and Waaa-laaahhh happy baby. After her first bottle she slept for a solid 3 hours and was way more content than she had been the last couple days.